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Negotiation is a skill that, although it may seem relatively straightforward, requires a lot of effort and strategic thinking. Many books are out there to help readers become better negotiators. My favorite, and the one I recommend to everyone, is Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss. 

Chris Voss spent 24 years negotiating as an FBI Hostage Negotiator. His book interweaves his stories during his time as an FBI Agent, and by drawing on his expertise, he provides tips to help readers become better negotiators.

Out of all the tips in the book, here are the top six that I’ve personally used in negotiations and think everyone should know:

Tip One: Approach negotiations as a process of discovery, not an argument

During the negotiation process, one of your main goals is to discover the opposing side’s true desires. The best way to do this is to perceive the negotiation process as an act of discovery through questioning and reasoning. With the discovery mindset, you become more flexible, open-minded, and empathetic toward the other side. As a result, you’ll be able to build their trust and fully uncover precisely what they want. 

Tip Two: Use labels 

Labeling the other person’s emotions, fears, and perceptions is a great way to demonstrate empathy and understanding while building trust. Once you find out how they’re feeling, convey their feelings into words and repeat it back to them.

Example

“I understand your reservations about me concerning our history, but I can assure you that I will only act in the best interest of both companies.” 

Tip Three: Give the illusion of control

Everyone likes to believe that they have some level of control. While this may sound manipulative, learning to play on the illusion of control is a great way to get what you want without appearing aggressive.   

You can best achieve the illusion of control by asking “how” based questions. In doing this, you may appear submissive and naive, but that’ll only make the opposition more comfortable admitting their genuine desire. Further, asking “how” based questions can help you show them the faults in their arguments without being too direct. For example, asking a simple question like  “How would you like me to proceed?” gives the illusion of control while highlighting any faults.

Tip Four: Anchor, anchor, anchor

The anchoring effect is a cognitive bias that states that humans heavily emphasize the first piece of information we receive when making a decision. 

You can use this cognitive bias to your advantage in negotiations by either making your initial offer lower than you are willing to give or much higher than what you’re willing to take. This way, when you reach your genuine offer, the opposing side is more likely to accept it since they perceive it as a “gain.” 

Example 1: John wants a salary increase

• Desired annual salary: $80,000
• Initial offer (anchor price): $90,000

John’s initial offer is strategic. By requesting $10,000 above what he desires, he is leaving room for a counteroffer. The minimum that John is willing to accept in this negotiation is $80,000, but the opposing side doesn’t know that. So when they make a counteroffer, and John agrees with that offer, the opposing side will perceive the negotiation as a win. And John gets what he wants. 

Example 2: Julia receives John’s request for a salary increase

• The maximum she’s willing to pay him: $81,000
• Her counteroffer (anchor): $79,000

Julia’s counteroffer is also strategic. Like John, she anchors her offer lower than she’s willing to pay, giving Julia wiggle room in case of a counteroffer. In this scenario, anything John accepts above the initial counteroff of $79,000 will be regarded as a gain.

Tip Five: Master the art of mirroring

Mirroring is imitating another person’s behavior to appear similar to them. Mirroring aims to appear identical to the opposing side so you can gain their trust. You can mirror a person by imitating their body gestures, tone of voice, vocabulary, interests, etc. Trust occurs because we tend to gravitate toward people we perceive as similar. 

Be mindful not to overdo the mirroring tactic, as some may find it offensive or weird. A healthy balance between mirroring and maintaining authenticity is the most effective way to use the tool in negotiations.

Tip Six: Be cautious of “Yes.”

Getting a “yes” is your final goal, but you don’t want to aim for it immediately. Aiming for a quick “yes” shows your disinterest in the other side’s feelings and desires. When you aim for a quick “yes,” you’re less flexible and more stubborn, which might cause the other side to do the same.

Inversely, you should be cautious if you receive a quick “yes.” A quick “yes” might be because the opposition is too scared to tell you “no” to your face, or they’ve accepted less than what they were willing to pay (meaning you could’ve gotten more).

Conclusion

Being a great negotiator primarily depends on understanding the person you are negotiating with. Your negotiation techniques will vary depending on the opposition and the stakes involved. It’s crucial to remember that not all negotiation strategies are equally effective for everyone. Therefore, the most important thing you can do when negotiating is to determine who you are negotiating with and which tips are essential to implement during the process.